Sex-ts

That's right 'sexts', the melding of 'sex' and 'text' to produce a word meaning a text containing sexual content. Turn off your teenagers' mobile phones, cast them to the bottom of the sea and move away to the mountains of Scotland to escape the evil reach of the mobile telephone mast! 20% of teenagers have received a 'sext', the apocalypse is nigh!

Yes you have heard correctly. BBC news reported today the findings of the charity Beatbullying which has confirmed, to the abhorrence of Daily Mail readers everywhere, that 38% of teenagers have been using "modern technologies" to send sexual images to each other. Who would have thought that our testosterone and oestrogen pumped younger population would ever engage in such licentious behaviour? Clearly not those at Beatbullying or the quango-tastic UK Council on Child Internet Safety. It saddens, although doesn't surprise, me to observe that a sense of realism is yet to permeate the skulls of those operating within said organisations.

My problem with this unnecessary hysteria is threefold. Firstly Beatbullying's claims that 'sexting' constitutes "bullying" and is a "problem" are absurd. It seems clear to me that if teenagers wish to send sexual images of themselves to others then it is more an exercise of their own immaturity rather than a malicious act against someone else. The recipient always has the choice of deleting, replying in kind, or forwarding the image to all of their friends for comedy value if they so wish. The initial sender, rather than bullying the recipient, only opens themselves up to the possibility of bullying which, some might say, would be well deserved. 'Sexting' comes sans problem.

Secondly, anyone believing that 'sexting' constitutes another symptom of 'Broken Britain' can just fuck off. Go on. Right Now. No? Ok then I shall explain why you should. The fact that 'sexting' is a recent phenomenon is not reflective of any break down of 'traditional values' but can be explained by the simple truth that when Beatrice and Ernest were children mobile phones simply did not exist. Ergo 'sexting' was impossible. The erotic love letters of the past generation, which extend way back to the Courtly Love literary tradition of the 15th Century, were the 'sexts' of the past. 'Sexts' do not reflect societal breakdown, as I expect certain newspapers will claim tomorrow, but technological evolution.

And finally... My ultimate problem with this whole 'revelation' is just how insignificant, pathetic, unimportant, useless, silly and insignificant-again it is. Is it really the role of government, as Schools Minister Diana Johnson claimed it is, to spend our hard earned taxes on "supporting parents to have the confidence to engage with their children on the challenges of modern life"? "Supporting parents to have the confidence". Really? Really? I can't begin to comprehend what that sentence even means let alone the cost to the taxpayer of Mrs Johnson wasting her time inventing it.

I thought that the choice between reacting to nonsensical buzzwords and preserving educational standards/equipping our soldiers properly/repaying the national debt would be an easy choice to make. Clearly not for a New Labour politician.